What I did today

*beep beep...beep beep...*

Thank you for calling Santander. For current and savings accounts, press 1. To make a racist comment and then feel ashamed of yourself, press 2. To end a frustrating series of gnomic dreams, press 3. To fr- you have pressed 1. Please enter your card number.

*enters card number*

Thank you. Please enter your telephone banking number. 

*pauses while looking for something on bank statement that might be a telephone banking number*

Please enter your telephone banking number.

*looks through other bank statements, then bank account policy papers, then birth certificate, then A-level results*

Please enter your telephone banking number. If you do not have a telephone banking number, please enter your card number.

*enters card number...again*

Please enter your telephone banking number.

*fetches battery acid*