Babyfoot!

Japan LOVES babies. Sure, Japan isn't HAVING babies - the birth rate is at an all-time low and the aging population is a major cause of concern - but it clearly loves babies. Go to the beauty section of any pharmacy or supermarket, what are you going to see? Babies.

Achieve baby skin. Baby lips. Be a baby. Be a baby again. Make the noise. Waaaahhh.

Okay, you don't have to make the noise. My point is, whereas Western cosmetic campaigns might make the occasional reference to baby-softness, Japanese companies go all out and put pictures of babies on a good 60% of the skincare products, 80-90% of the base makeup and approximately 400% of the lipbalms. That way, you know they really work. They wouldn't go round putting pictures of babies on things for nothing.

All very well and good. But what of Baby Foot?

Yes, by putting your feet in some special acid bags (?), you too could peel off all the skin from the surface of your toesies. Soak your feet in fruit acid, then over the course of several days, your outer skin will shed like a cocoon. Behold, your feet are reborn.

I bought a pack of Baby Foot a good year and a half ago and still haven't got around to using it. I'm not sure whether that's lethargy or fear. But the time must come in all our lives when we stand up, hold our heads high, and put our feet in special acid bags. I'm not even particularly fussed about the state of my leg-hands (as we should all call them). In winter I am permanently covered up in at least two pairs of tights, and even when I notice any roughness, I take a kind of perverse pride in it. I think it comes from growing up near a beach, walking frequently over pebbles without shoes in an attempt to impress a person who wasn't there. But I would take even more perverse pride in removing layers of my skin for no reason, and curiosity is a much-underrated quality, so whatever, I'm going to try the Baby Foot.

Will report soon.